Bag Balm!
My son is a little pisser! Really. Like, 15+ diapers a day. Needless to say he got a horrible rash. He had two angry red parenthesis of pain where his little butt cheeks connected.
As soon as he started showing the slightest bit of red we started slathering on the Desitin. Yeah, didn't work. Rash got worse.
Then we did baby powder and larger diapers. That helped a little, but not much.
Finally tried good ole Vaseline. That seemed to do the best, but the rash was still quite angry and really bothering him.
Then my mom saw my can of Bag Balm that I keep around for general itchy, dry skin. Works like a charm! His rash was almost gone the next day and while I've been keeping his bottom Balmed, he's not had any more problems. I highly recommend this little green tin of magic!
http://bagbalm.com/
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Labor. It's not that bad.
My son is now almost four weeks old.
I've got to say, if I had given birth without the aid of modern medicine, it might have been a very different experience. As it was, it was kind of easy.
First, I was in labor for 23 hours before an emergency C-section came in and the doctor was worried about both of us needing him at the same time, so he sped up my labor. (First!) My son was not in the correct position so he had to be suction-cupped out of there and his cord was wrapped around his neck. Twice. Also, I apparently have a small vagina full of thick muscles, and ripped once really badly and needed an episotomy.
And it was all okay. I didn't even really feel anything, but was still able to push and even poop a little. Yes, you will poop. You really don't care at the time. I didn't vomit, which was nice. Apparently that happens a lot.
The epidural went in easily (and no, it doesn't hurt any more than a routine shot) and I spent the next 19 hours trying to catch a nap. The annoying thing is that with an epidural you need to have your blood pressure monitored, so every 15 minutes the damn cuff would inflate and wake me up. Yes, I was attempting to sleep though labor.
All the screaming and theatrics from the movies just didn't happen. You really don't feel any pain, the staff is all on hand to help you out, and the doctors know what they're doing. Now there's no way in hell I would opt for a natural birth. I delivered a healthy boy with little discomfort and was mostly recovered in two weeks, and almost fully back to myself in four. (Sex in six! tee-he.)
That first week sucks balls though. They give you good drugs though. However, be weary of said drugs because they have such wonderful side effects. My friend, hydrocodone, took away the pain but made me constipated as hell, loopy, way more emotional than I should have been, and vaguely urpy. The 800 mg ibuprofen tabs that I took after stopping the narcotic upset my stomach and made me vaguely dizzy. Just try to get off the meds as soon as you can.
If you are in a good hospital and get the drugs, it really isn't anything to be scared of. Promise.
I've got to say, if I had given birth without the aid of modern medicine, it might have been a very different experience. As it was, it was kind of easy.
First, I was in labor for 23 hours before an emergency C-section came in and the doctor was worried about both of us needing him at the same time, so he sped up my labor. (First!) My son was not in the correct position so he had to be suction-cupped out of there and his cord was wrapped around his neck. Twice. Also, I apparently have a small vagina full of thick muscles, and ripped once really badly and needed an episotomy.
And it was all okay. I didn't even really feel anything, but was still able to push and even poop a little. Yes, you will poop. You really don't care at the time. I didn't vomit, which was nice. Apparently that happens a lot.
The epidural went in easily (and no, it doesn't hurt any more than a routine shot) and I spent the next 19 hours trying to catch a nap. The annoying thing is that with an epidural you need to have your blood pressure monitored, so every 15 minutes the damn cuff would inflate and wake me up. Yes, I was attempting to sleep though labor.
All the screaming and theatrics from the movies just didn't happen. You really don't feel any pain, the staff is all on hand to help you out, and the doctors know what they're doing. Now there's no way in hell I would opt for a natural birth. I delivered a healthy boy with little discomfort and was mostly recovered in two weeks, and almost fully back to myself in four. (Sex in six! tee-he.)
That first week sucks balls though. They give you good drugs though. However, be weary of said drugs because they have such wonderful side effects. My friend, hydrocodone, took away the pain but made me constipated as hell, loopy, way more emotional than I should have been, and vaguely urpy. The 800 mg ibuprofen tabs that I took after stopping the narcotic upset my stomach and made me vaguely dizzy. Just try to get off the meds as soon as you can.
If you are in a good hospital and get the drugs, it really isn't anything to be scared of. Promise.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
What I wish I had been told before getting pregnant.
I am 5 days away from giving birth. Today I bent down to pick up the laundry and managed to squish Squiggle's head, so he punched me in the butt. We are both ready for this arrangement to end, it seems.
You probably already have heard about the discomfort, the fatigue, the gas, the peeing, the nausea, the sore feet, the clothes, having to wear the clothes afterwards, the mucus, and all the other general crud. Here are a few things I wish I had been told before hand that I never came across in all the complaining.
1. Your Prenatal Vitamin may be making you sick.
I am 6 feet tall, 27 years old, and weighed 204 pounds when I began this shindig. I also eat a fair amount of lean protein and fortified grains, and drink almost a gallon of water a day. Why am I getting the same prenatal as a 110 pound high school girl that eats nothing but Cheetos and McDonalds? Turns out the extra iron and other minerals were making me sick. The first prenatals made me nauseous, despite being anti-nausea, and the second ones were still so full of iron and other hard minerals that I didn't poop but once every three to four days. Yeah, that made me feel GREAT, let me tell ya.
There are low-iron and other more tailored types of vitamins on the market. Do you really need all that calcium? Do you need more? How much foliate is in your diet? Are you out in the sun a lot, and thus full up on Vitamin D? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR about these. If you don't get light headed during your period, you probably don't need all that iron. If you feel yourself getting light headed, you can always add a supplement, but until then your colon will thank me.
2. Dear God, the swelling!
Extreme swelling and high blood pressure can be a sign of preclampsia. No one really knows what causes it, but it might mean you have to be induced a couple weeks early. The swelling and high BP goes away right after. What they don't tell you is that sometimes your body just decides to blow up like a Macy's Day Parade float.
I used to have four holes left on my watch band. On a bad day, my watch barely fits. The only shoes I can still wear are a pair of size 11 flipflops. I was a size 9 before this. My calves have swollen so much my bootleg jeans look like skinny jeans. You know it's bad when the doctor weighs you, stares at your face and says, "the swelling goes away completely by about 6 weeks."
On the plus side, this will mean that I'll lose a TON of water weight quickly, and feel so much better, so much faster for it.
3. Random insomnia.
You will wake up in the middle of the night to pee, damn near fall asleep on the toilet, hobble back to bed, and be WIDE awake. You will remain wide awake for at least an hour, more likely two, then fall back to sleep only to do the same thing when your alarm goes off. You'll probably be nice and rested... for about two hours, at which point you will have a medical NEED for a nap. Good luck getting it!
4. The Waddle.
Jeff Foxworthy had a pregnant woman on his show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. She was standing with her hands on her hips and he claimed she wasn't really pregnant because her thumbs were still pointing back. He said you are only truly pregnant when your thumbs turn and face front. I giggled, but sure enough around month seven you'll find yourself all thumbs forward and waddling like a duck that's been fed laxatives. Your feet turn out, your hips swing forward, your shoulders fall back, and when you push a grocery cart, you waddle so bad it swings in step with you. Enjoy! You look stupid.
5. People don't listen to you.
I mentioned the Sciatica thing before. (IT CAN BE FIXED!) It was my first real run in with not being taken seriously. I'm college educated, well-read, and generally level-headed. The problem is that while every parent will tell you that every baby is different, they all have decided that what they finally figured out is the absolute best way to do anything and you're just ignorant if you don't do it like they did. We are not talking about general advice on how to avoid traffic, or how to paint a fence. This is baby care here! While a new parent really wants to hear all the suggestions and tips they can, (seriously, I know I don't know what the fuck I'm doing) when the suggestions start to move into the realm of patronizing, "you'll see" comments, you really want to start choking bitches.
I have a tiny, tiny bath tub with a great detachable shower head. It really isn't a big deal to fill it with a couple inches of water to wash a baby. Maybe I don't WANT the damn plastic tub that I have no where to store. I know your baby's butt fits perfectly into Pampers, but there's a sale on newborn Huggies and my baby is going to be a bit bigger than yours and the reviews say that Huggies are better for bigger newborns. You might be right in the end, but I promise that my decisions are not completely pulled out of my ass.
OH! Big one! The stupid baby laundry detergent. It's fucking $30+ a bottle! I already buy the Arm & Hammer sensitive skin, allergy, dye, and irritant-free, rinses completely out stuff because both my husband and I itch with the other junk. They didn't even have the stupid baby detergent when we grew up and we did just fine. I'm NOT buying the damn stuff unless I need to. It's a lot of money to spend, especially when you're changing the kid out of vomit-covered onesies every 20 minutes. If there is any sign of my baby's clothes irritating him, I'll happily shell out the cash in a heartbeat. I just think it's silly to start off with it when you probably don't need it.
and finally...
6. None of it matters.
The bottom line is that in 10 months (pregnancy is actually 40 weeks and can drag on to the full 42), you will have a baby. Nothing anyone says or does will stop this. Once that baby is born you will be with it 24/7 and only you will know what needs to be done. Fuck everyone and everything else. Your baby will be fine. You will be fine. People will look at how your kids haven't drunk the bleach and deem you must be doing something right. At that point they will shut up about how they used all silver-plated flatware with their kids because of the risk of green fingers, or whatever, and see that what you're doing is working just fine. Your body will go back to normal eventually, and you will have a healthy, happy kid. Seriously, fuck those guys.
You probably already have heard about the discomfort, the fatigue, the gas, the peeing, the nausea, the sore feet, the clothes, having to wear the clothes afterwards, the mucus, and all the other general crud. Here are a few things I wish I had been told before hand that I never came across in all the complaining.
1. Your Prenatal Vitamin may be making you sick.
I am 6 feet tall, 27 years old, and weighed 204 pounds when I began this shindig. I also eat a fair amount of lean protein and fortified grains, and drink almost a gallon of water a day. Why am I getting the same prenatal as a 110 pound high school girl that eats nothing but Cheetos and McDonalds? Turns out the extra iron and other minerals were making me sick. The first prenatals made me nauseous, despite being anti-nausea, and the second ones were still so full of iron and other hard minerals that I didn't poop but once every three to four days. Yeah, that made me feel GREAT, let me tell ya.
There are low-iron and other more tailored types of vitamins on the market. Do you really need all that calcium? Do you need more? How much foliate is in your diet? Are you out in the sun a lot, and thus full up on Vitamin D? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR about these. If you don't get light headed during your period, you probably don't need all that iron. If you feel yourself getting light headed, you can always add a supplement, but until then your colon will thank me.
2. Dear God, the swelling!
Extreme swelling and high blood pressure can be a sign of preclampsia. No one really knows what causes it, but it might mean you have to be induced a couple weeks early. The swelling and high BP goes away right after. What they don't tell you is that sometimes your body just decides to blow up like a Macy's Day Parade float.
I used to have four holes left on my watch band. On a bad day, my watch barely fits. The only shoes I can still wear are a pair of size 11 flipflops. I was a size 9 before this. My calves have swollen so much my bootleg jeans look like skinny jeans. You know it's bad when the doctor weighs you, stares at your face and says, "the swelling goes away completely by about 6 weeks."
On the plus side, this will mean that I'll lose a TON of water weight quickly, and feel so much better, so much faster for it.
3. Random insomnia.
You will wake up in the middle of the night to pee, damn near fall asleep on the toilet, hobble back to bed, and be WIDE awake. You will remain wide awake for at least an hour, more likely two, then fall back to sleep only to do the same thing when your alarm goes off. You'll probably be nice and rested... for about two hours, at which point you will have a medical NEED for a nap. Good luck getting it!
4. The Waddle.
Jeff Foxworthy had a pregnant woman on his show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. She was standing with her hands on her hips and he claimed she wasn't really pregnant because her thumbs were still pointing back. He said you are only truly pregnant when your thumbs turn and face front. I giggled, but sure enough around month seven you'll find yourself all thumbs forward and waddling like a duck that's been fed laxatives. Your feet turn out, your hips swing forward, your shoulders fall back, and when you push a grocery cart, you waddle so bad it swings in step with you. Enjoy! You look stupid.
5. People don't listen to you.
I mentioned the Sciatica thing before. (IT CAN BE FIXED!) It was my first real run in with not being taken seriously. I'm college educated, well-read, and generally level-headed. The problem is that while every parent will tell you that every baby is different, they all have decided that what they finally figured out is the absolute best way to do anything and you're just ignorant if you don't do it like they did. We are not talking about general advice on how to avoid traffic, or how to paint a fence. This is baby care here! While a new parent really wants to hear all the suggestions and tips they can, (seriously, I know I don't know what the fuck I'm doing) when the suggestions start to move into the realm of patronizing, "you'll see" comments, you really want to start choking bitches.
I have a tiny, tiny bath tub with a great detachable shower head. It really isn't a big deal to fill it with a couple inches of water to wash a baby. Maybe I don't WANT the damn plastic tub that I have no where to store. I know your baby's butt fits perfectly into Pampers, but there's a sale on newborn Huggies and my baby is going to be a bit bigger than yours and the reviews say that Huggies are better for bigger newborns. You might be right in the end, but I promise that my decisions are not completely pulled out of my ass.
OH! Big one! The stupid baby laundry detergent. It's fucking $30+ a bottle! I already buy the Arm & Hammer sensitive skin, allergy, dye, and irritant-free, rinses completely out stuff because both my husband and I itch with the other junk. They didn't even have the stupid baby detergent when we grew up and we did just fine. I'm NOT buying the damn stuff unless I need to. It's a lot of money to spend, especially when you're changing the kid out of vomit-covered onesies every 20 minutes. If there is any sign of my baby's clothes irritating him, I'll happily shell out the cash in a heartbeat. I just think it's silly to start off with it when you probably don't need it.
and finally...
6. None of it matters.
The bottom line is that in 10 months (pregnancy is actually 40 weeks and can drag on to the full 42), you will have a baby. Nothing anyone says or does will stop this. Once that baby is born you will be with it 24/7 and only you will know what needs to be done. Fuck everyone and everything else. Your baby will be fine. You will be fine. People will look at how your kids haven't drunk the bleach and deem you must be doing something right. At that point they will shut up about how they used all silver-plated flatware with their kids because of the risk of green fingers, or whatever, and see that what you're doing is working just fine. Your body will go back to normal eventually, and you will have a healthy, happy kid. Seriously, fuck those guys.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Pregnancy Acne: $7 solution
I don't know why I haven't shared this little gem yet, but I am now.
I have actually been using this product for a while now, but had gotten lazy and stopped a couple months before I got pregnant. Once I began incubating my little fetus my face broke out horribly! Overnight I had about a dozen pimples pop up. I started using this miracle elixir again and haven't had a single pimple since.
The secret? Alpha Hydroxy face cream sold at any drug store (I get mine from Walgreens) for about $7. It's frequently the active ingredient in a lot of exfoliating creams. You can spend $20 or more on special creams or you can just buy the active ingredient and get all the same awesomeness. If you need more moisture in a couple areas, use your favorite cream, but you'll probably use a lot less of it.
Here's the link to the online store: Walgreens Alpha Hydroxie Cream
The stuff is great! It's basically acid for your face, but with some moisturizing properties. My face has both really greasy and really dry areas. It cuts though the greasy crud, gently buffs off the dry crud, kills off any bacteria crud, and evens things out. Do you have a real problem with the sides of your nose by your nostrils? Yeah, that could actually be caused by a fungus that grows in the moisture that crops up there. This stuff helps keep that junk under control. It also helps gently clear up pimples so they fade a lot faster. Within a week you will see major improvements.
HOWEVER, this stuff isn't great for everyone. It can burn like a bitch if you're sunburned or just scrubbed your face a bit too hard. Read and follow the directions. I, personally, love it and never go without. I believe it is certainly worth a try.
I have actually been using this product for a while now, but had gotten lazy and stopped a couple months before I got pregnant. Once I began incubating my little fetus my face broke out horribly! Overnight I had about a dozen pimples pop up. I started using this miracle elixir again and haven't had a single pimple since.
The secret? Alpha Hydroxy face cream sold at any drug store (I get mine from Walgreens) for about $7. It's frequently the active ingredient in a lot of exfoliating creams. You can spend $20 or more on special creams or you can just buy the active ingredient and get all the same awesomeness. If you need more moisture in a couple areas, use your favorite cream, but you'll probably use a lot less of it.
Here's the link to the online store: Walgreens Alpha Hydroxie Cream
The stuff is great! It's basically acid for your face, but with some moisturizing properties. My face has both really greasy and really dry areas. It cuts though the greasy crud, gently buffs off the dry crud, kills off any bacteria crud, and evens things out. Do you have a real problem with the sides of your nose by your nostrils? Yeah, that could actually be caused by a fungus that grows in the moisture that crops up there. This stuff helps keep that junk under control. It also helps gently clear up pimples so they fade a lot faster. Within a week you will see major improvements.
HOWEVER, this stuff isn't great for everyone. It can burn like a bitch if you're sunburned or just scrubbed your face a bit too hard. Read and follow the directions. I, personally, love it and never go without. I believe it is certainly worth a try.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Healing Sciatica. Your ass will thank me.
If you have the misfortune to develop sciatica during your pregnancy then you are probably ready to punch though a steel door in frustration. I developed mine about mid way though my fifth month and all I kept hearing was "It'll get worse" or "Has it brought you to tears yet?" which is not what you want to hear. The doctor, nurses, random medical techs, online resources... everything seemed to say that you might make it a little less painful, but you were just shit out of luck until the baby comes. Having four + months of increasing pain to look forward to is soul-crushing.
I tried swimming, stretching, heat, cold, Tylenol, rest... it just got worse and worse. Swimming was the closest to relief, but only when I was in the water. I had to stop because as soon as I started climbing out of the pool the pain was back in full force. The most frustrating thing was trying to get someone to take the pain seriously. I finally called my doctor in tears because I was terrified of falling down the stairs, or getting stuck in the pool, or falling getting out of the shower. The pain was bad, but randomly losing the ability to put ANY weight on my leg was horrifying. The pain you can deal with, but the thought of hurting your baby is just too much.
Finally I got the number to a chiropractor. Dedicated and targeted massage can also help, but I really hate being touched by strangers and massage has never really worked for me before so I was skeptical. Knowing any appointment was a few days away at best, my husband gave massage a try. For the record, he does not really do "gentle" massages. He's kind of a big, strong man-type of guy and I already bruise easily enough that I don't get professional massages, let alone let his steel fingers loose on my delicate muscles.
He dug his fingers into my hip so hard tears came to my eyes. I held on for as long as I could, but damn, it hurt! When he was done... it didn't hurt anymore. It kind of came back the next day, so he did it again. He dug in so hard something popped! He POPPED my HIP with his FINGERS! And that was the last of the sciatica. Seriously. It was gone. Weeks of pain just vanished.
I don't hurt at all now. Not even a twinge. There was some major soreness afterwards because I had been favoring these muscles for months, but that cleared up quickly.
Talk to your doctor about a chiropractor or strong massage therapist if your husband doesn't have Superman hands. Be specific, because they all seem to have a "shit happens" kind of attitude about sciatica. It wasn't just my doctor, but several other medical professionals, the nurses, online resources... the impression you get is that you just have to deal with it. You don't!
Good luck!
I tried swimming, stretching, heat, cold, Tylenol, rest... it just got worse and worse. Swimming was the closest to relief, but only when I was in the water. I had to stop because as soon as I started climbing out of the pool the pain was back in full force. The most frustrating thing was trying to get someone to take the pain seriously. I finally called my doctor in tears because I was terrified of falling down the stairs, or getting stuck in the pool, or falling getting out of the shower. The pain was bad, but randomly losing the ability to put ANY weight on my leg was horrifying. The pain you can deal with, but the thought of hurting your baby is just too much.
Finally I got the number to a chiropractor. Dedicated and targeted massage can also help, but I really hate being touched by strangers and massage has never really worked for me before so I was skeptical. Knowing any appointment was a few days away at best, my husband gave massage a try. For the record, he does not really do "gentle" massages. He's kind of a big, strong man-type of guy and I already bruise easily enough that I don't get professional massages, let alone let his steel fingers loose on my delicate muscles.
He dug his fingers into my hip so hard tears came to my eyes. I held on for as long as I could, but damn, it hurt! When he was done... it didn't hurt anymore. It kind of came back the next day, so he did it again. He dug in so hard something popped! He POPPED my HIP with his FINGERS! And that was the last of the sciatica. Seriously. It was gone. Weeks of pain just vanished.
I don't hurt at all now. Not even a twinge. There was some major soreness afterwards because I had been favoring these muscles for months, but that cleared up quickly.
Talk to your doctor about a chiropractor or strong massage therapist if your husband doesn't have Superman hands. Be specific, because they all seem to have a "shit happens" kind of attitude about sciatica. It wasn't just my doctor, but several other medical professionals, the nurses, online resources... the impression you get is that you just have to deal with it. You don't!
Good luck!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Your unborn baby is an asshole.
I came to a realization over the weekend.
As many pregnant women can attest to, the slightest change in routine can make you feel horrible. If you don't eat on time, or your sleep schedule gets messed up, or you don't drink enough water, or you end up stuck out all day... whatever it is, the more your routine gets messed up, the worse you feel.
Well, this past weekend I had to rush my husband to the hospital. He had an undiagnosed ulcer bleed out. Everything is okay now, but it was super scary for two days. I didn't sleep, anytime I started to pass out there was some alarm from the damn I.V., or the nurse would come in to take his vitals, or some random something would wake me right back up. (Some poor woman had a heart attack down the hall from us. She was alright when we left, Thank God, but it certainly was something to wake up to.) I didn't eat for about 22 hours straight that first day. I barely drank anything. I rested in a chair and had a parade of friends and family, nurses and doctors constantly visiting and wanting updates.
Talk about a total interruption of my schedule. Despite all this, I really felt physically FINE. I didn't have to wake up three times overnight to pee, and I was even able to rest on my belly without Squiggle kicking and making me miserable. The damn kid seemed to give me a break. While it was very kind of it, why the hell does it make my life so complicated the rest of the time?!
Answer: Your unborn baby is an asshole, but not a big enough one to bother you while its daddy is sick.
Followup: Squiggle is back to being annoying. David is doing super extra good now.
As many pregnant women can attest to, the slightest change in routine can make you feel horrible. If you don't eat on time, or your sleep schedule gets messed up, or you don't drink enough water, or you end up stuck out all day... whatever it is, the more your routine gets messed up, the worse you feel.
Well, this past weekend I had to rush my husband to the hospital. He had an undiagnosed ulcer bleed out. Everything is okay now, but it was super scary for two days. I didn't sleep, anytime I started to pass out there was some alarm from the damn I.V., or the nurse would come in to take his vitals, or some random something would wake me right back up. (Some poor woman had a heart attack down the hall from us. She was alright when we left, Thank God, but it certainly was something to wake up to.) I didn't eat for about 22 hours straight that first day. I barely drank anything. I rested in a chair and had a parade of friends and family, nurses and doctors constantly visiting and wanting updates.
Talk about a total interruption of my schedule. Despite all this, I really felt physically FINE. I didn't have to wake up three times overnight to pee, and I was even able to rest on my belly without Squiggle kicking and making me miserable. The damn kid seemed to give me a break. While it was very kind of it, why the hell does it make my life so complicated the rest of the time?!
Answer: Your unborn baby is an asshole, but not a big enough one to bother you while its daddy is sick.
Followup: Squiggle is back to being annoying. David is doing super extra good now.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
What I Have Learned:
Things have settled down a bit. My second trimester has started and my body is getting comfortable with the intrusion. That being said, I have learned a couple things.
1. Gas sucks. It can get so bad that it makes you vomit. Think of your worst period cramp then start to vomit. Because your intestines are being stretched and relaxed at the same time, you won't always know whether or not you're going to fart or poop. Stay away from:
2. Stretch marks will appear overnight. Whether or not you get them is just as dependent on genetics as anything else.
3. If you start feeling crappy GET UP! While everything is telling you to sit, and you might even feel nautious, GET UP! Do some house work, take a walk, organize the baby's room, or something. Every time I sit and wait for the crappy feeling to go away, it just gets worse. If I make myself get up and move it helps.
4. Also, moving helps you poop. (Can you tell pooping is a big deal?) If you're getting bad gas cramps and not pooping, then take a walk or a swim. Swimming helps a lot it seems.
5. The reason that the world has not run out of fresh water, like all our elementary school teachers told us it would by now, is strictly due to the efforts of pregnant women. No matter how much or how little water you drink, you WILL have to pee 3+ times a night, so just drink the water. You'll feel better overall.
6. Every mucus membrane in your body (including the big one downstairs) will decide it is time to impress you with how well they can operate. Your nose will be continuously stuffy and your panties will be gross. Drinking water will help keep your nose from bleeding along with being stuffy. The combination sucks, so drink the damn water and just be stuffy instead of stuffy and bleedy.
Best of luck. It gets easier.
1. Gas sucks. It can get so bad that it makes you vomit. Think of your worst period cramp then start to vomit. Because your intestines are being stretched and relaxed at the same time, you won't always know whether or not you're going to fart or poop. Stay away from:
- Artichoke
- Broccoli
- Cabbage
- Anything else that gives you major gas (though I do not seem to have any issue with bean-induced gas. It's really the veggies that are killer).
2. Stretch marks will appear overnight. Whether or not you get them is just as dependent on genetics as anything else.
3. If you start feeling crappy GET UP! While everything is telling you to sit, and you might even feel nautious, GET UP! Do some house work, take a walk, organize the baby's room, or something. Every time I sit and wait for the crappy feeling to go away, it just gets worse. If I make myself get up and move it helps.
4. Also, moving helps you poop. (Can you tell pooping is a big deal?) If you're getting bad gas cramps and not pooping, then take a walk or a swim. Swimming helps a lot it seems.
5. The reason that the world has not run out of fresh water, like all our elementary school teachers told us it would by now, is strictly due to the efforts of pregnant women. No matter how much or how little water you drink, you WILL have to pee 3+ times a night, so just drink the water. You'll feel better overall.
6. Every mucus membrane in your body (including the big one downstairs) will decide it is time to impress you with how well they can operate. Your nose will be continuously stuffy and your panties will be gross. Drinking water will help keep your nose from bleeding along with being stuffy. The combination sucks, so drink the damn water and just be stuffy instead of stuffy and bleedy.
Best of luck. It gets easier.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
So that's why.
There are a lot of things that they tell you when you get pregnant. You have "advice" coming out your ass. I've discovered two things that I really wish had been explained a bit better.
1.) If you are not experiencing any morning sickness, then getting pre-natal vitamins that are supposed to help with nausea just makes you nauseous. They are likely NOT holding worse nausea at bay. Tell your doctor about ANYTHING that you're going through and they will make it better. My vitamins also made me horribly constipated. No one should have to deal with that. The new ones just turn my morning pee a bit orange, which is kind of cool actually.
2.) You get told, even when you're not pregnant, that eating several smaller meals throughout the day is "better for you". The half-assed theory is that it's a way of boosting your metabolism so you put on less weight or even lose some. Frankly, I've done that and found that I was just always hungry and never really full.
HOWEVER; when you are pregnant your metabolism slows down and you become really damn efficient at digesting food. Because of this, you go through these wild and drastic fluctuations in blood sugar. If you don't eat every couple of hours you get really weak and shakey which you might be attributing to morning sickness or hormones or whatever. Even better is when you finally eat you also feel loopy and shakey, but this is because you're getting a rush of sugars. Eating smaller and more frequent meals helps mitigate this tremendously. I'm going to the store today and buying some digestives or something to keep by the bed to snack on when I'm awake anyway for my 3:00 am pee.
Again, no one ever tells you the whys behind doing this shit. As stubborn as we all are, you'd think someone would realize it.
1.) If you are not experiencing any morning sickness, then getting pre-natal vitamins that are supposed to help with nausea just makes you nauseous. They are likely NOT holding worse nausea at bay. Tell your doctor about ANYTHING that you're going through and they will make it better. My vitamins also made me horribly constipated. No one should have to deal with that. The new ones just turn my morning pee a bit orange, which is kind of cool actually.
2.) You get told, even when you're not pregnant, that eating several smaller meals throughout the day is "better for you". The half-assed theory is that it's a way of boosting your metabolism so you put on less weight or even lose some. Frankly, I've done that and found that I was just always hungry and never really full.
HOWEVER; when you are pregnant your metabolism slows down and you become really damn efficient at digesting food. Because of this, you go through these wild and drastic fluctuations in blood sugar. If you don't eat every couple of hours you get really weak and shakey which you might be attributing to morning sickness or hormones or whatever. Even better is when you finally eat you also feel loopy and shakey, but this is because you're getting a rush of sugars. Eating smaller and more frequent meals helps mitigate this tremendously. I'm going to the store today and buying some digestives or something to keep by the bed to snack on when I'm awake anyway for my 3:00 am pee.
Again, no one ever tells you the whys behind doing this shit. As stubborn as we all are, you'd think someone would realize it.
Monday, April 11, 2011
It all makes sense now.
Various Hikus. (American, not Japanese so it's 3-5-3)
Pants are tight.
Berry in grapefruit.
Babe, not chub.
Time to feed.
I need to eat now.
Blarg. Urpy.
Ate too much.
Bloated like crazy.
Same all day.
Time for bed.
Thirsty, so I drink.
Have to pee.
Boobs so big!
Support the ladies.
Waking pain.
Three A.M.
Nature wakes me up.
Damn the light.
Pants are tight.
Berry in grapefruit.
Babe, not chub.
Time to feed.
I need to eat now.
Blarg. Urpy.
Ate too much.
Bloated like crazy.
Same all day.
Time for bed.
Thirsty, so I drink.
Have to pee.
Boobs so big!
Support the ladies.
Waking pain.
Three A.M.
Nature wakes me up.
Damn the light.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Squiggle and Me
So the Squiggle has decided to retain all the water in the world within my abdomen. Woo fun.
The prenatal vitamins I was on seem to have actually contributed to making me vaguely nauseous. This is amusing because they are supposed to have an ingredient that helps to calm your stomach and reduce the pukey feeling. I ran out of them last weekend and since then have not actually had ANY blargly feelings at all. Plus the constipation that everyone seems to say is so common in your first trimester has completely cleared up with no change from me. The doctor's office (specifically Holly who is AWESOME) has called in a different Rx.
I'm still not craving any kind of sweet. I do want fruits and veggies like crazy though. I guess this is all a good thing.
The prenatal vitamins I was on seem to have actually contributed to making me vaguely nauseous. This is amusing because they are supposed to have an ingredient that helps to calm your stomach and reduce the pukey feeling. I ran out of them last weekend and since then have not actually had ANY blargly feelings at all. Plus the constipation that everyone seems to say is so common in your first trimester has completely cleared up with no change from me. The doctor's office (specifically Holly who is AWESOME) has called in a different Rx.
I'm still not craving any kind of sweet. I do want fruits and veggies like crazy though. I guess this is all a good thing.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I am Superman!
It's my birthday and I have found out that I am Superman!
I am so sensitive to stuff that a normal dose of pain meds actually works now!
I will make another 50% more blood over the next few months!
My skin will shed faster and thus be even more awesome looking!
My hair will not fall out and get fuller and softer!
The rest is kind of sucky, so I'm not going to mention it.
I am so sensitive to stuff that a normal dose of pain meds actually works now!
I will make another 50% more blood over the next few months!
My skin will shed faster and thus be even more awesome looking!
My hair will not fall out and get fuller and softer!
The rest is kind of sucky, so I'm not going to mention it.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Pickles!
It begins. I am craving salty stuff like crazy. I ate pickles. I want more. For my birthday give me pickles. Ooooh, also tomatoes, mozzarella, and balsamic vinegar! Yummy. And pretzels.
There are a few things that I have learned lately. Mostly, that when you are first pregnant your immune system goes down the crapper and you WILL catch every little cold bug out there. That being said, I now have a cold. I called the doctor's office and was told that basically I can take any Tylenol product out there for any random aches and pains. Being as how there is a massive Tylenol recall going on, good luck on finding any.
I am also having a wonderful time switching between being pass-out exhausted and wired. Two nights ago I got about 4 hours of sleep. I woke up, finished my book, took David to work (the Audi is in the shop), cleaned the house, did a bunch of laundry, hung out with Hayley, then made dinner. After, we went out with Hayley and Alli for St. Patrick's Day and stayed out until 1:00 am. Today, after 9 hours of sleep, and with almost nothing to do I am barely able to move. Seriously, typing is getting tiresome.
There are a few things that I have learned lately. Mostly, that when you are first pregnant your immune system goes down the crapper and you WILL catch every little cold bug out there. That being said, I now have a cold. I called the doctor's office and was told that basically I can take any Tylenol product out there for any random aches and pains. Being as how there is a massive Tylenol recall going on, good luck on finding any.
I am also having a wonderful time switching between being pass-out exhausted and wired. Two nights ago I got about 4 hours of sleep. I woke up, finished my book, took David to work (the Audi is in the shop), cleaned the house, did a bunch of laundry, hung out with Hayley, then made dinner. After, we went out with Hayley and Alli for St. Patrick's Day and stayed out until 1:00 am. Today, after 9 hours of sleep, and with almost nothing to do I am barely able to move. Seriously, typing is getting tiresome.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Morning Breath Theory of Urpiness.
David has a theory. I shall call it The Morning Breath Theory of Urpiness. Basically, he's positing that everyone's breath is always about half a leaf of spinach away from being gross. With as many mints and gum packs sold, it is a pretty good theory. He further posits that because a Preggers' senses are so sensitive, the normal background breath breaches into the gross category all the time causing the icky nauseous feelings so many women go though.
This makes perfect sense to me. If candles and other scents can make us so sick, why not nasty morning breath and the taste that goes with it? This also explains why mints, ginger, lemon, and all those "clean" tastes and smells make it all better. I've been chomping extra-strength mints and brushing my teeth often and the nausea is almost completely gone! Now my mom said she had very little morning sickness, but she also has good dental hygiene and a strong stomach to begin with.
Hope this helps!
This makes perfect sense to me. If candles and other scents can make us so sick, why not nasty morning breath and the taste that goes with it? This also explains why mints, ginger, lemon, and all those "clean" tastes and smells make it all better. I've been chomping extra-strength mints and brushing my teeth often and the nausea is almost completely gone! Now my mom said she had very little morning sickness, but she also has good dental hygiene and a strong stomach to begin with.
Hope this helps!
Rawr!
So my best friend, Hayley, said I should start a preggers blog. Apparently she thinks it will be interesting and amusing.
I had my first doctor's appointment on Friday. It is still too early to see any tiny shrimp in my uterus, but a test confirmed that I do, in fact, harbor at least one shrimp. Mom says twins run in our family, so there is a chance of multiple shrimp, or shrimpies.
The exam was really stressful and made so much worse by the total bladder gun-shyness. Despite my assurance that I peed on plenty of sticks, they still insisted I pee on theirs. I drank lots of water and had the ultrasound, at which point the nurse informs me that my bladder is quite full...
No one told me that they could see that. I did not say they could look at my pee. It was a bit unnerving. I don't typically share my pee with others.
So after all the pee, I got blood work done, some vitamins, and ate lunch. It's Lent, but I totally get some dispensation because of the fetus. However awesome that is, I'm totally craving fish anyway, so God, once again, shows his sense of humor.
I have determined that I will be a Rage Preggers instead of a Weepy Preggers as much as I can help it. I have spent my entire life coming up with ways to hilariously yell at people, so why stop now. I was out with Hayley and vaguely pukey, had to pee, hungry, and getting a headache. This viscous nasal drip of a driver was going 15 miles UNDER the speed limit and hanging out with his armpit-cheese buddy in the car next to him, ALSO going 15 under. I informed them that their breath smelled like testicles, and finally got around them and had the not-driving behind toe jam sandwiches that I so desired. Hayley laughed and suggested that I start a blog.
I had my first doctor's appointment on Friday. It is still too early to see any tiny shrimp in my uterus, but a test confirmed that I do, in fact, harbor at least one shrimp. Mom says twins run in our family, so there is a chance of multiple shrimp, or shrimpies.
The exam was really stressful and made so much worse by the total bladder gun-shyness. Despite my assurance that I peed on plenty of sticks, they still insisted I pee on theirs. I drank lots of water and had the ultrasound, at which point the nurse informs me that my bladder is quite full...
No one told me that they could see that. I did not say they could look at my pee. It was a bit unnerving. I don't typically share my pee with others.
So after all the pee, I got blood work done, some vitamins, and ate lunch. It's Lent, but I totally get some dispensation because of the fetus. However awesome that is, I'm totally craving fish anyway, so God, once again, shows his sense of humor.
I have determined that I will be a Rage Preggers instead of a Weepy Preggers as much as I can help it. I have spent my entire life coming up with ways to hilariously yell at people, so why stop now. I was out with Hayley and vaguely pukey, had to pee, hungry, and getting a headache. This viscous nasal drip of a driver was going 15 miles UNDER the speed limit and hanging out with his armpit-cheese buddy in the car next to him, ALSO going 15 under. I informed them that their breath smelled like testicles, and finally got around them and had the not-driving behind toe jam sandwiches that I so desired. Hayley laughed and suggested that I start a blog.
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