Teething Fun

Well it has been an interesting past couple days. Squiggle cut his first (and second!) tooth last Friday. Honestly, it wasn't that bad.

He was quite upset by the whole thing, but we figured out a couple tricks that made the unpleasantness much less unpleasant. Mostly it is just about cold.

1. Cold formula. Hot formula hurt his already inflamed gums.
2. Cold food. Cold applesauce and other fruity baby foods were a big hit.
3. Cold water. We gave him a bottle with ice water in it. He LOVED it!
4. Cold toys. Everything in the freezer or fridge. Rotate though and keep them clean.
5. Cold celery. We tried frozen and just cold and he seemed to like both. The frozen was a bit more messy so we just went with from the fridge.
6. Tylenol. The wonder drug strikes again. We really didn't need a lot, but a dose around lunch when he was particularly upset and once before bed and we didn't have any major issues.

Squiggle was definitely more prone to fussing, but a little play and a cold toy was enough to keep him in a good mood for most of it. Now that the teeth are out he is back to chewing on rice cakes and laughing at his fingers. It was only about three days of cranky.

Really, not that bad.

Stuff I Actually Use

To be clear, the Toys R'Us registry helper is almost completely populated by useless crap. You will also receive tons more useless crap as gifts, simply because you don't know any better. Here is a nice list of the stuff I actually use to take care of my 3 month old son.

Bag Balm/Petroleum Jelly (screw all those other butt balms, this works best)
Diapers
Wipes
Crib
Crib Mattress
Crib Sheets x2
Night Light (for you, not him. It's dark at 3:00 am.)
Simple Sound Monitor
Changing Table
Changing Pad
Diaper Stacker (optional really. Decorate your changing table however you want)
Tiny Trash Can (you do NOT want that much used diaper rotting in a larger can)
Tiny Trash Can Bags
Diaper Caddy for Downstairs (A lifesaver!)
Nail Clippers
Thermometer
Saline Solution
Bath Chair (tubs are useless and take up a ton of space)
Bath Soap
Bath Cup
Soft Hair Brush
Wash Rags x4 (I use one to keep him warm and one to scrub)
Hooded Towels (keeps baby's head warm afterwards)
Cute Outfits (received as gifts)
Warm, Fuzzy Outfits for Sleeping In x5+ (with footies. Remember: He doesn't get blankets so keep him warm at night)
Mittens (if your kid is a scratcher. Socks also work, but that's kind of lame)
Bottles x6+ (Avent 4 oz are the best)
NIPPLES (no one tells you that there are different nipples for different ages and formula types)
Bottle Warmer (the cheapy steam one works just fine. So does 15 seconds in the microwave)
Bottle Brush
Bottle Caddy for the Dishwasher
Arm and Hammer Free and Clear Laundry Detergent (Dreft is fucking expensive and not worth it.)
Burp Cloths (we use the square cloth diapers. Cheap and absorbent.)
Pacifiers (my son hated them so we didn't push them)
Baby Chair for Lounging
Car Seat (save money and don't get the matching stroller)
Spare Car Seat Base for Dad's Car (though the car seats are designed to be installed without one. Read the manual.)
Car Seat Cart (cheaper, smaller, and easier than the damn matching stroller)
A Stroller You Actually Like
Small Diaper Bag:
- Spare Bottle with Water
- Spare Diapers
- 1 1/2" Screw Together Stacking Bead Case with Extra Formula (from any craft store. Seriously, this is my stroke of brilliance. Each compartment holds two scoops of formula and the mouth is the perfect size to fit the bottles.)
- Spare Outfit
- Burp Cloths x2
- Blanket
- Doggy Poop Bags
- Travel Changing Pad
- Travel Wipes

It seems like a big list, but it's really not. You don't need fancy mirrors for your car (nothing your baby is doing is more important than you driving safely). You don't need the giant pack of grooming supplies, the huge first aid kit, the giant sterilizer, or the giant specialized diaper bins. Stay away from the fancy baby monitors. The motion sensor ones are either too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Either way you can't trust them. And the picture monitors are not good enough to show if your baby is breathing. You WILL be getting up every half hour to check on your newborn regardless, so save some money.

You will receive plenty of toys and blankets and outfits, so save your energy on buying those. The only thing you might need are the fuzzy PJ onesies. Save your money on creams, pastes, powders, and lotions. Vaseline works wonders for all of that. Don't buy bibs. Spit up rolls right off them. Cloth diapers work better by far and are easier to launder because they don't stick to everything. A big blanket on the floor works great for tummy time. You don't need a special play mat. I really don't use my Boppy pillow. Maybe I will once he can sit up better on his own.

But again, every baby is different. You do what's best for you.

Advice and Assholes: the sun shines on a dog's occasionally.

There are a lot of tips and tricks you'll hear when you have kids. Some are completely impractical for you and your situation, some just don't work, and some are more difficult to execute than they're worth. However, there are a few that I have found absolutely invaluable, and I shall share them with you in hopes of making your life easier.

1. Saline drops relieve stuffy noses. Just a couple drops in each nostril will loosen up the snot and help reduce swelling. My son actually smiles after he gets over the shock of having crap squirted up his nose.

2. Bag Balm and Vaseline fix and prevent diaper rash. We have not had a single occurrence since the bad rash I mentioned in a previous entry.

3. Routines are key. At 10 weeks old, my son now goes to bed with little fuss because it's just time. If we deviate from the routine, he gets super fussy until he's taken care of. Totally worth it for our evenings child-free. We do a bottle around 6:30, a bath around 7:30, and another 2 ounces of formula afterwards. He's usually baby-coma'ed half way though the second bottle, but the little extra bit is really helpful in getting him through the night. He sleeps from about 8:00 to 3:00 am, then from 3:30 to about 6:30. Again, 10 weeks old!

4. Warmer sleeping clothes. It is recommended that you keep a baby's bedroom cooler and have a fan on, but that doesn't mean the poor kid has to freeze. I have several thicker, warmer sleeper onesies that keep him nice and cozy without risking suffocation. He sleeps much better in the thicker outfits than in thinner ones.

5. Rose water cures hiccups. The books will tell you to try a bit of water when your kid has hiccups. Yeah, they really hate that. Adding a couple drops of rose water and some sugar makes a yummy treat out of it. My son still has issues swallowing the liquid if it's not in a bottle, but he's willing to actually try and doesn't scream afterwards. Plus, it makes him smell awesome! Seriously, even his poops are a bit more tolerable. My mother-in-law did it for all her kids, grand-kids, and other family babies and it works like a charm with no apparent ill effects.

6. Sign to your baby. This one is a bit weird, but I swear it works. There is a book about signing to your baby that has all kinds of different signs, from "alligator" to "saxophone", but it doesn't have to be that complicated. Currently we have one sign for food (your open and close your hand like you're milking a cow. It's technically the sign form milk, but it's an easy one for a baby to understand and even mimic back). My son will fuss and fuss when it is time to eat, but as soon as I ask him if he wants food and make the sign, he calms right down. The beauty is that he won't talk until he's two, but by six months he should be able to make the sign. Throw in "dirty" for the diaper, and "pain" and your kid can tell you what's wrong 18 months before he ever says his first word. I am quite excited about this idea.

That's all I have for now. I hope it helps!

Diaper Rash Cure!

Bag Balm!

My son is a little pisser! Really. Like, 15+ diapers a day. Needless to say he got a horrible rash. He had two angry red parenthesis of pain where his little butt cheeks connected.

As soon as he started showing the slightest bit of red we started slathering on the Desitin. Yeah, didn't work. Rash got worse.

Then we did baby powder and larger diapers. That helped a little, but not much.

Finally tried good ole Vaseline. That seemed to do the best, but the rash was still quite angry and really bothering him.

Then my mom saw my can of Bag Balm that I keep around for general itchy, dry skin. Works like a charm! His rash was almost gone the next day and while I've been keeping his bottom Balmed, he's not had any more problems. I highly recommend this little green tin of magic!

http://bagbalm.com/

Labor. It's not that bad.

My son is now almost four weeks old.

I've got to say, if I had given birth without the aid of modern medicine, it might have been a very different experience. As it was, it was kind of easy.

First, I was in labor for 23 hours before an emergency C-section came in and the doctor was worried about both of us needing him at the same time, so he sped up my labor. (First!) My son was not in the correct position so he had to be suction-cupped out of there and his cord was wrapped around his neck. Twice. Also, I apparently have a small vagina full of thick muscles, and ripped once really badly and needed an episotomy.

And it was all okay. I didn't even really feel anything, but was still able to push and even poop a little.  Yes, you will poop. You really don't care at the time. I didn't vomit, which was nice. Apparently that happens a lot.

The epidural went in easily (and no, it doesn't hurt any more than a routine shot) and I spent the next 19 hours trying to catch a nap. The annoying thing is that with an epidural you need to have your blood pressure monitored, so every 15 minutes the damn cuff would inflate and wake me up. Yes, I was attempting to sleep though labor.

All the screaming and theatrics from the movies just didn't happen. You really don't feel any pain, the staff is all on hand to help you out, and the doctors know what they're doing. Now there's no way in hell I would opt for a natural birth. I delivered a healthy boy with little discomfort and was mostly recovered in two weeks, and almost fully back to myself in four. (Sex in six! tee-he.)

That first week sucks balls though. They give you good drugs though. However, be weary of said drugs because they have such wonderful side effects. My friend, hydrocodone, took away the pain but made me constipated as hell, loopy, way more emotional than I should have been, and vaguely urpy.  The 800 mg ibuprofen tabs that I took after stopping the narcotic upset my stomach and made me vaguely dizzy. Just try to get off the meds as soon as you can.

If you are in a good hospital and get the drugs, it really isn't anything to be scared of. Promise.

What I wish I had been told before getting pregnant.

I am 5 days away from giving birth. Today I bent down to pick up the laundry and managed to squish Squiggle's head, so he punched me in the butt. We are both ready for this arrangement to end, it seems.

You probably already have heard about the discomfort, the fatigue, the gas, the peeing, the nausea, the sore feet, the clothes, having to wear the clothes afterwards, the mucus, and all the other general crud. Here are a few things I wish I had been told before hand that I never came across in all the complaining.

1. Your Prenatal Vitamin may be making you sick.

I am 6 feet tall, 27 years old, and weighed 204 pounds when I began this shindig. I also eat a fair amount of lean protein and fortified grains, and drink almost a gallon of water a day. Why am I getting the same prenatal as a 110 pound high school girl that eats nothing but Cheetos and McDonalds? Turns out the extra iron and other minerals were making me sick. The first prenatals made me nauseous, despite being anti-nausea, and the second ones were still so full of iron and other hard minerals that I didn't poop but once every three to four days. Yeah, that made me feel GREAT, let me tell ya.

There are low-iron and other more tailored types of vitamins on the market. Do you really need all that calcium? Do you need more? How much foliate is in your diet? Are you out in the sun a lot, and thus full up on Vitamin D? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR about these. If you don't get light headed during your period, you probably don't need all that iron. If you feel yourself getting light headed, you can always add a supplement, but until then your colon will thank me.

2. Dear God, the swelling!

Extreme swelling and high blood pressure can be a sign of preclampsia. No one really knows what causes it, but it might mean you have to be induced a couple weeks early. The swelling and high BP goes away right after. What they don't tell you is that sometimes your body just decides to blow up like a Macy's Day Parade float.

I used to have four holes left on my watch band. On a bad day, my watch barely fits. The only shoes I can still wear are a pair of size 11 flipflops. I was a size 9 before this. My calves have swollen so much my bootleg jeans look like skinny jeans. You know it's bad when the doctor weighs you, stares at your face and says, "the swelling goes away completely by about 6 weeks."

On the plus side, this will mean that I'll lose a TON of water weight quickly, and feel so much better, so much faster for it.

3. Random insomnia.

You will wake up in the middle of the night to pee, damn near fall asleep on the toilet, hobble back to bed, and be WIDE awake. You will remain wide awake for at least an hour, more likely two, then fall back to sleep only to do the same thing when your alarm goes off. You'll probably be nice and rested... for about two hours, at which point you will have a medical NEED for a nap. Good luck getting it!

4. The Waddle.

Jeff Foxworthy had a pregnant woman on his show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. She was standing with her hands on her hips and he claimed she wasn't really pregnant because her thumbs were still pointing back. He said you are only truly pregnant when your thumbs turn and face front. I giggled, but sure enough around month seven you'll find yourself all thumbs forward and waddling like a duck that's been fed laxatives. Your feet turn out, your hips swing forward, your shoulders fall back, and when you push a grocery cart, you waddle so bad it swings in step with you. Enjoy! You look stupid.

5. People don't listen to you.

I mentioned the Sciatica thing before. (IT CAN BE FIXED!) It was my first real run in with not being taken seriously. I'm college educated, well-read, and generally level-headed. The problem is that while every parent will tell you that every baby is different, they all have decided that what they finally figured out is the absolute best way to do anything and you're just ignorant if you don't do it like they did. We are not talking about general advice on how to avoid traffic, or how to paint a fence. This is baby care here! While a new parent really wants to hear all the suggestions and tips they can, (seriously, I know I don't know what the fuck I'm doing) when the suggestions start to move into the realm of patronizing, "you'll see" comments, you really want to start choking bitches.

I have a tiny, tiny bath tub with a great detachable shower head. It really isn't a big deal to fill it with a couple inches of water to wash a baby. Maybe I don't WANT the damn plastic tub that I have no where to store. I know your baby's butt fits perfectly into Pampers, but there's a sale on newborn Huggies and my baby is going to be a bit bigger than yours and the reviews say that Huggies are better for bigger newborns. You might be right in the end, but I promise that my decisions are not completely pulled out of my ass.

OH! Big one! The stupid baby laundry detergent. It's fucking $30+ a bottle! I already buy the Arm & Hammer sensitive skin, allergy, dye, and irritant-free, rinses completely out stuff because both my husband and I itch with the other junk. They didn't even have the stupid baby detergent when we grew up and we did just fine. I'm NOT buying the damn stuff unless I need to. It's a lot of money to spend, especially when you're changing the kid out of vomit-covered onesies every 20 minutes. If there is any sign of my baby's clothes irritating him, I'll happily shell out the cash in a heartbeat. I just think it's silly to start off with it when you probably don't need it.

and finally...

6. None of it matters.

The bottom line is that in 10 months (pregnancy is actually 40 weeks and can drag on to the full 42), you will have a baby. Nothing anyone says or does will stop this. Once that baby is born you will be with it 24/7 and only you will know what needs to be done. Fuck everyone and everything else. Your baby will be fine. You will be fine. People will look at how your kids haven't drunk the bleach and deem you must be doing something right. At that point they will shut up about how they used all silver-plated flatware with their kids because of the risk of green fingers, or whatever, and see that what you're doing is working just fine. Your body will go back to normal eventually, and you will have a healthy, happy kid. Seriously, fuck those guys.

Pregnancy Acne: $7 solution

I don't know why I haven't shared this little gem yet, but I am now.

I have actually been using this product for a while now, but had gotten lazy and stopped a couple months before I got pregnant. Once I began incubating my little fetus my face broke out horribly! Overnight I had about a dozen pimples pop up. I started using this miracle elixir again and haven't had a single pimple since.

The secret? Alpha Hydroxy face cream sold at any drug store (I get mine from Walgreens) for about $7. It's frequently the active ingredient in a lot of exfoliating creams. You can spend $20 or more on special creams or you can just buy the active ingredient and get all the same awesomeness. If you need more moisture in a couple areas, use your favorite cream, but you'll probably use a lot less of it.

Here's the link to the online store: Walgreens Alpha Hydroxie Cream

The stuff is great! It's basically acid for your face, but with some moisturizing properties. My face has both really greasy and really dry areas. It cuts though the greasy crud, gently buffs off the dry crud, kills off any bacteria crud, and evens things out. Do you have a real problem with the sides of your nose by your nostrils? Yeah, that could actually be caused by a fungus that grows in the moisture that crops up there. This stuff helps keep that junk under control. It also helps gently clear up pimples so they fade a lot faster. Within a week you will see major improvements.

HOWEVER, this stuff isn't great for everyone. It can burn like a bitch if you're sunburned or just scrubbed your face a bit too hard. Read and follow the directions. I, personally, love it and never go without. I believe it is certainly worth a try.